Red carpet remarks: The fashion and awards

There weren't too many standout moments, or dresses darn it, this evening, but here are some of my highlights. Best Movie was NOT Boyhood!!!!!

Best dresses:

anna

 <-Anna Kendrick: yo, her mouth is extremely tiny, but that Thakoon dress was off-the-hook gorgeous. She looked great in it!! Jennifer Lopez: Her breasts are ever-showing, but hers was a beautiful gown! Jennifer Aniston: I am not a fan of hers, but that was a stunning dress.

Handsomest:

Bradley Cooper can wear a suit- whew! Chris Pine! Good god, I ain't nevuh seen him look so good. --↘ Idris!

chris pine is hot

Gorgeous:

Channing Tatum's eyes. John Legend and Common performing Glory.

WTF?: Patricia Arquette looked like she made out in the backseat of a car before arriving. Was John Travolta's Madame Tussaud likeness sitting in for him tonight? And was it wearing a silver chain link necklace? And did it awkwardly kiss Scarlett Johannson who, by the way, wore a necklace that looked as it were devouring her? (see below) And then touch Idina Menzel's face too many times? Lady Gaga is talented but the utter dissonance of her singing a Sound of Music medley was tough to handle.

everything about this is weird

Red carpet remarks: before the show

oscar

People, I love the Academy Awards for all its delicious pomp and glamour. I covet the enormous ball gowns and borrowed diamonds dripping from swan-like necks. I fixate on the colors and hair styles and the handsome sea of tuxes. I love the red carpet itself though I'm less enamored of the emcees whose wannabe groveling tends to make me feel sad. I love the eight-and-a-half pound Oscar and those speeches that don't seem overly practiced. Tremendous, for-the-books acting that's blown everyone away is often, but not always, rightfully honored. For example, Tom Hulse was robbed when he played, but didn't win for, Mozart in Amadeus. But Adrian Brody winning for The Pianist? Outstanding!

Less frequently, excellent movies are made and properly rewarded. I mean, Titanic was best picture??? I think not. Barf, gag, wanna freeze to death myself.

I do not understand the why behind animated foreign short documentaries, and I regularly wonder why so very many of the best actors and actresses are British. Man, they have the corner on the market there. Makes me want to move because the accent + good acting + tuxedos? Mah gah.

But overall, it's a fun evening, and I've watched the Awards every year for most of my life (not least because my parents have hosted an annual Academy Awards party since 1981). Let me pause while I pour some bubbly...

Ok, I'm slightly less excited about tonight's show because, as you may recall, I HATED, LOATHED, DESPISED Boyhood and Ellar Coltrane and Patricia Arquette in it. I feel too confident that that infernal film will win Best Picture and that dysfunctional, loser-man-magnet (in the movie) P. Arquette will take home Best Supporting Actress. Sigh. And if Richard effing Linklater wins Best Director because he freaking took one week a year for twelve years to film some sad sacks growing up, well shit. I'll be a glum muffin.

Not least because The Grand Budapest Hotel was as creative, infinitely delightful, better cast,

The Best Actor and Best Supporting Actor nominees this year are outstanding, and I'm definitely rooting for front-runner Best Actress nom, Julianne Moore.

Off to drool over dresses!