The last men standing

I woke up this morning drenched in sweat and with a headache and heartburn. Was it some sort of advance knowledge of the announcement that came shortly after?

I am crushed that Elizabeth Warren has dropped out, but I am so proud of and thankful for and inspired by her, and I know she will make this country better for years to come. As have all the Dems who’ve suspended their presidential campaigns, Elizabeth did so with grace and class. That an incredibly exciting, diverse Democratic field has been thinned to two elderly white men is, however, utterly disheartening in so many ways.

Do you know how many countries have had female presidents? So many that to take this screenshot for you, I had to minimize my font/page size to 50% of standard.

See how long it took you to scroll through that? Women are NOT 50% of standard.

But we, Americans, have one primary job to do, and that is to literally save this country by beating the orange stain in November. As important is taking the Senate. Both Martha McSally and Susan Collins seem to be well within shot of losing, and I can think of little I’d enjoy seeing more than both being replaced. Well, I would enjoy seeing trump and mitch and lindsey replaced that much, but honestly, all 5 are terrifically horrible, so, let’s divide and conquer.

Back to Elizabeth. This evening, she had a conference call with volunteers. So many of us dialed in that we crashed the platform. I was lucky to get in and am glad for everyone that the call will be recorded and shared. Elizabeth was as warm and supportive as she was during the campaign- strong, unafraid, humble, and wonderful. Be disappointed, but don’t be blinded by it, she said. There is much work to be done.

If you didn’t see clips of her talking with press after formally suspending her campaign, I urge you to watch. If you can’t watch the whole thing, please tune in at 1:30 and at 5:15 (-6:15).

And here are some related articles and a video that I found valuable and thought-provoking and affirming.

What Elizabeth Warren’s Loss Says About Us

America Punished Elizabeth Warren for Her Competence

How Elizabeth Warren Hides Messages in Her Speeches

EW Dropped Out. Hard to Stay Hopeful About November

I’ll be supporting Biden now because I think he is much better positioned to beat trump, and I believe he will listen to and surround himself with the sorts of people that Warren would have (though perhaps less progressive). Fact of the matter is that NOTHING good will happen without ousting trump, and so that is and must remain our absolute priority. #VoteBlueNoMatterWho. I think Biden will choose a strong woman as his running mate, and despite my disappointment over again not being able to add the US flag to the list above, I can get with an interregnum of peace and calm and decency and progress. If Bernie is the nominee, I’ll vote for him, but it will be with almost no enthusiasm.

Let’s do this, y’all. Fire up, get active, build democracy activism into your daily schedules, donate to close and down-ballot races when you can, stay informed, and speak up. On dark days, tired ones, those in which the future seems bleak, read these words of Elizabeth’s, take care of yourself, and then get busy.

“So if you leave with only one thing, it must be this:
choose to fight only righteous fights, because then when things get tough – and they will – you will know that there is only option ahead of you: nevertheless, you must persist.”
-Elizabeth Warren

On the Basis of Sex and the Open Discussion Project

The boys returned to school on Monday, and today Oliver stayed home sick. He is the easiest, most darling sick kid ever, and as today was frigid, we enjoyed a roaring fire while reading for book club, doing homework, and so forth. I got a bit of work done, though not as much as I’d hoped or planned. I am lucky that that’s OK, but it can be hard to not feel disappointed at times- at the loss of time, of the quiet hours counted on but taken. Tom and I showed the kids The Pursuit of Happyness last weekend, in part because it’s such a good movie but also for perspective; how on the line so many people are constantly, and the stress in that. It’s excruciating.

I didn’t think about it all too much until we picked up Jack and a friend and, as everyone had finished homework, went to see On the Basis of Sex. I felt this intense determination to see it. Today. I bribed my children with candy; Jack’s pal said, “Oh, that sounds wonderful. I’d love to see that.” I swear to god sometimes being with other people’s kids makes you believe that while you may not always see your lessons coming to fruition in your own spawn, you can have some faith that they are and will. Interacting with other kids with good parents lets you see that they can and do apply their skills and loveliness when the time is right. I see this all the time in my students too. Ah, parenting.

Anyway, after plying the children with all manner of “food,” we settled in to our seats, and I exhaled deeply. I’ve felt fitsy all week- tired, and an unsavory blend of worried and furious. The shutdown continues, hurting and stressing so many Americans. It continues because of an ignorant, mean man and the craven, pitiful people who enable him. It continues because of a greedy desire for power, nothing more. This shutdown has nothing to do with protection, nothing to do with security. It is wasteful and rude and the wall is stupid and ineffective.

I mention that because on Sunday I begin participating in the Open Discussion Project. I am both thrilled and honored to have been selected to do so, and yet, as the time approaches, I find myself nervous. The ODP, a joint project of six American bookstores, including my beloved Politics & Prose here in DC, is an effort to talk over the chasm of polarization dividing our country. You can learn more about it here, but in short, it brings together groups of people from across the political spectrum to talk and read books about current events and discuss them. “The goal of this effort is not conversion but conversation and understanding.”

I applied as soon as I read about the opportunity. I exclaimed aloud when I was accepted. I have studiously read our assigned book, highlighting and making mental notes all the while. And yet, I am nervous. I’m nervous because I’m furious. I’m nervous because although I value emotion and fully believe it comes from places of feeling and love I also recognize that it can counter reason, inhibit objectivism, and cloud and fuck things up. Emotion has always been part Achilles heel for me, part gift. We have a skeptical relationship, I think it’s fair to say.

In any case, I admit to feeling extremely correct in my belief that our country is in seriously bad straits, and I am sick to death of racism, sexism, bigotry, religion, and exclusivist conservatism cornering the fucking market on “real” and “salt of the earth” Americans.

No.

I, too, am a real American. A patriot. I am an atheist, an active anti-racist who recognizes that I will always have work to do, a feminist, and a proud progressive. I do not want walls built, on our borders or in our society. And so I worry that I will be unable to hear arguments for the wall. I worry that I will react badly to support for this “president.” I will try to listen, try to understand, but I’m nervous.

Back to the movie. We all loved it, the 7th graders and me especially. Ruth Bader Ginsburg is a boss. Incredible human. I cried at the end and found myself struggling not to cheer or retch aloud several times throughout.

“Please introduce yourselves and tell us why you deserve a spot that would otherwise have gone to a man.”
”You used to be pretty and so smart. Now you sound shrill and bitter.”
”You’re just not a fit. I mean, our firm is a family. The wives get jealous.”
”The natural order of things…Caretakers are women.”

Jesus christ. It’s enough to make me insane. Talk about rousing emotions. I was nearly apoplectic at times. And yet still, women carry the bulk of the familial load, the mental load, the emotional load, and so on. We manage the expectations of how to look, how to act, how to be. But most women can never actually win. Not really. Can never strive without seeming strident. Can never assert without seeming shrill. I mean, just look at “grab them by the pussy and take what you want” having zero consequence versus “I want to impeach that motherfucker” being talked about ad nauseum for days. (Trump, Tlaib, respectively.) Really?

I think I carry all this with me into the ODP. I am mad. And driven. And worried. And strong. But that leash of propriety is still around my neck, yanking me back at times. Into expectation or submission or appropriateness or whatever.

It’s infuriating and in instills fear, often simultaneously. And I’m white.