Dispatch from K

Both J and I got slapped with a case of nerves upon arrival at school. I could just see him turning inward a bit; because he's such a gregarious, attention-loving munchkin most of the time, that behavior always surprises me when it rears up, and then my nerves inflame. This morning I was looking at the boys and listening to the concurrent squabble-and-love in which they were engaging, and it almost took my breath away, how capable they are, how big even though they're young. It's funny how time can seem to stand still but fly, almost simultaneously.

I was struck too by the ways in which children AND parents struggle with independence and dependence, the ways we both assert our needs for each. But, as in so many aspects of relationships, those needs aren't always running in tandem. I might feel desperate for space just as one or both of the kids really needs some snuggling, time or connection. They may want to do something "by myself" when I'd love to smother them with kisses. Relationships of all kinds are living, dynamic things, at least the healthy ones, I think. This seems especially true in the parent-child relationship in which the participants aren't equals developmentally. And I think this is why parenting can seem so fraught: you want to maintain a sense of self; you want to give your children the love, support and space to discover their true selves; and you want to do this while also civilizing them and teaching them the ways of the world so they can function most happily and effectively within it. Tough!