She's back

Y'all, the tidal wave of awful that swept over me last week has, mercifully, returned to sea. I don't know how, but I seem to have gotten a bit more sleep recently, Jack's show -while a great experience- is over leaving more time and fewer logistics to manage each day, and I've had a few breaks and more exercise. A good combination of occurrences. I received lots of love and help from good friends, and I really appreciate all of it so much. Yesterday, in yoga, my teacher commented during a challenging pose that we'd all stopped breathing. She said, "we have a tendency to hold our breaths when we're stuck or things are hard, but breathing through them is helpful and eases the struggle." As I was at that very moment attempting to remain in revolved dancer pose and breathe, it struck me how true her suggestion was both in and beyond yoga. When life presents you with moments, weeks, experiences or queries that can make an Iron Man event seem simple, good and steady breathing, i.e. not panicking or shutting down, is critical to your ability to keep going. It's hard to keep this belief central and present in seriously challenging times. Harder still when your reserves are depleted and you're running on fumes already. In general, I don't freak out much, but continuous overwhelm sometimes feels like a clamp on my lungs, a too-tight corset whose strings are knotted and stuck. I can see that more clearly now that the wave is gone and have learned that I need to try and do more to prevent it coming in the first place. You're never too old to stop learning and growing, eh? Even if it's rather forced on you at times.

As a complete aside, do you want to know the funniest almost-mishap that happened to me on Friday? I was in the dark theater watching Jack's production and quietly rummaging through my Mary Poppins-like bag for some lip gloss (not for vanity purposes, people; my lips were dry). Anyway, I finally located what I thought was my gloss, unscrewed it and swiped the wand over my bottom lip. It was rough, scratchy really, and I thought, "well god, this sure dried up quickly." I then considered that I might have mistakenly grabbed my mascara tube instead so rubbed my wrist over my lip to see what color came off. Black. Loads of black. Can you imagine what a strange fool I'd have looked like if the lights went on, and my mouth was painted in black streaks? Hah!

I have a number of ideas floating in my head right now; naturally, almost all of them concern new dishes I want to make ASAP. I picked up some marzipan today (love) as well as some Meyer lemons and blood oranges and a gorgeous cauliflower so we'll see what comes about. In the meantime, I'm off to watch a Food System lecture.