Goddamn you, 2021: Shakes fist at sky; is anything worth hope?

On New Year’s Eve, the world lost a bright light and a family was rendered heartbroken and gutted. Tommy Raskin, the 25-year-old son of my Congressman, Rep Jamie Raskin, died by suicide. If you have not yet read the tribute Jamie and his wife Sarah wrote to Tommy, you simply must. And if you can, please consider donating to the Tommy Raskin Memorial Fund for People and Animals. At a minimum, please extend an act of kindness to an animal, a stranger, a friend, or a loved one. Check in on them; talk openly about depression, anxiety, mental unhealth and wellness. Normalize struggle and offer resources for help.

Since New Year’s Eve, I have watched:

LA nearly run out of oxygen for COVID patients;

my own state, Maryland, boff the rollout such that vaccines are going to waste and/or being given to anyone walking by;

the Republicans of the PA legislature throwing an idiot-toddler tantrum and refuse to listen to the elected Lt Governor or seat the re-elected-and-certified incumbet, Dem Jim Brewster;

the US Attorney for Atlanta/N Georgia, appointed by trump, suddenly resign and be replaced by trump loyalist, Bobby Christine;

the Minneapolis policeman who shot Jacob Blake EIGHT TIMES in the back be completely acquitted;

the woman who sold my parents a home try to force them to default because she is greedy and now has remorse;

and many trumpers try to overturn the multiple-times-approved 2020 election results…

And I’m trying to just go with it all and help and support, but shit I am tired and overwhelmed, and the amount of stress I’m holding in is NOT NORMAL OR RIGHT OR SUSTAINABLE.

About an hour ago, my dad called to tell me Georgia was going blue. Much as I want to believe that and much as I hope and feel that needs to happen, I cannot invest any faith in a blue outcome or I will Fall.Apart. And yet, his and Mom’s earnestness gave me that hope for a moment and I have since been in snotting tears that are, of course, all those saved up from so many stifled moments of Keep Calm and Carry On since November 9, 2016.

Here is the truth: I despise and actually do wish ill health on (in no particular order; complete stream of consciousness): Ted Cruz, Lindsey Graham, Nikki Haley, Tulsi Gabbard, Donald Trump, Ivanka Trump, Melania Trump, Eric Trump, Donald Trump Jr, Kimberly Guilfoyle, Tiffany Trump, Matt Gaetz, Kayleigh McEnany, Jenna Ellis, Kellyanne Conway, Stephen Miller, Stephen Miller’s wife, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Sarah Huckabee Sanders’ father, Josh Hawley, Ron DeSantis, Greg Abbott, Brian Kemp, all Republicans from AL and MS, Kristi Noem, all Republicans from GA, all Republicans from Colorado, the Proud Boys, Cleta Mitchell, Rudy Guiliani, Tucker Carlson, Sean Hannity, Boxed Wine Pirro, everyone at Fox News with a slight-Purgatory-exception for Chris Wallace (but the jury is still out on him), Rupert Murdoch, the Koch brothers, fat and sweaty Sheldon Adelson, Sheldon’s sweaty wife, the anti-US spy Sheldon flew back to Israel, that guy’s wife, Joel Osteen, Franklin Graham, mega churches, Liberty University, Meghan McCain, Ben Domenech, Sarah Palin, Federalist idiots, the Nats who visited the White House, all police who’ve murdered black men and women and been acquitted because RACISM, you fucking fuckers, obnoxious parents, racists, bigots, elitists, gun fools, Rick Scott, Dick Cheney, George W, Clay Higgins, all Republicans and many Dems from Louisiana, John Cornyn, Chuck Grassley, Brett Kavanaugh, Amy shut the fuck up Barrett, Clarence you fucking fool Thomas, Ginny, Samuel “you asshole” Alito, Jason Miller, other assholes who don’t pay child support, Neil fucking Gorsuch, all the stupid girls I attended high school with, and so forth.

I’m still crying, and my kids are in that weird “Mom is not ok” fugue state, and my husband is all “oh shit” and burping, and I am SO FUCKING worried about the Raskins and this country and the world I’m turning my dear boys into, and if you aren’t feeling this badly, don’t tell me about it.

Vote blue. And pray/hope/dream for America.