Boy howdy, shit went down: domestic terrorists, and a Blue Georgia

Alrighty, y’all. very tired and upset and stressed on January 5, I melted down to you and felt so much better. As my friend Liz says, “writing is catharsis.” I do appreciate all who checked in on me. I love you! And then Wednesday came, lawd a mercy. I’m still wiping my brow.

I stayed up so late watching the Georgia returns before waking a few hours later and:

seeing confirmation that Reverend Warnock had ousted Barbie Loeffler;
starting to make enthusiastic calls to Georgia canvassers volunteering to cure ballots;
starting to feel real hope about Ossoff beating the jackass who pretended he couldn’t pronounce Kamala;
watching with disgust as Josh Hawley and Ted Cruz sought to decertify Arizona’s votes;
seeing some news about a mob;
opening Twitter to find that insane domestic terrorists, aka MAGAs, were five miles from my house storming the Capitol with pitchforks, guns, flags, IEDs, war paint, and other paraphernalia of war;
becoming riveted to every news source and their video feeds;

Wait, hold up. WHAT? Yes. It was like watching a psychotic game of Olympic-level ping pong. And it was still just 1pm.

As you all know, trump’s people took his directive and planned an insurrection. They flew and drove here from all over the country. Hotels rented them rooms. It seems that some Capitol Police even opened perimeter gates* and actual Capitol building doors* for them, inviting them in to desecrate one of the symbols of America they -the police and the mob- purport to love. Footage shows rioters breaking windows and doors, sitting in Congressional chambers and office chairs, stealing podiums and who knows what else, all while screaming “This is OUR house!” I don’t know about y’all, but that is just not how I treat my home.

A woman wearing a trump flag was shot and later died. A video she shared a few days before this treasonous insurrection shows that she was really deep down the right wing cult wormhole. I haven’t been able to watch it in full because it is so insane and vitriolic and sincerely terrifying. She is now being heralded as a martyr for far right groups. Ivanka called these people “American patriots,” while Cheeto Satan said, “you’re very special. We love you.”

Prior to the arrival of various national guards and DC police, Capitol Police (not under DC jurisdiction) didn’t seem to do too much about the rampant mob whose behavior resulted in:

the American flag being replaced by a Trump flag;
a giant cross being erected outside which was, purportedly, to be burned;
a noose erected on the Capitol’s west side (apparently, these seditious thugs wanted to lynch Pence);
the DC mayor frantically issuing a city-wide curfew;
MD Rep Steny Hoyer frantically calling MD Gov Hogan to ask he deploy the state’s police and National Guard (which we now know Hogan tried to do but was delayed for some time before being granted permission to send);
Pence being hurried away to safety;
Congress being hurried away to a different, crowded place of safety in which some REFUSED to wear masks;
among other hideous actions.

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All of this was and is domestic terrorism. And yet, later, after a measly 52 arrests (and that was SO much later; for comparison, more than 14,000 were arrested during protests against George Floyd’s murder), we saw footage of some of the insurrectionists back at their hotels, drinking and “celebrating” in lobby bars, sans masks, natch, flags and such resting on their chairs. Not arrested. If they were black, they would have been hours dead. White supremacy, anyone?

We also found that WHILE they were being safely guarded from the thugs they incited and encouraged, Hawley and Cruz, yes those two, sent fundraising emails to their supporter lists. Can you even fathom the depths of soullessness and cravenness that would enable a person to behave in such a way? In any of these ways?

I should fess up here and say that in my rage, I responded to Ivanka’s claim that these criminals were “American patriots” by tweeting, “You did this, you hideous whore.” On the same day that Twitter finally suspended Cheeto Satan, they also suspended me for hateful speech. Bless their hearts. To be welcomed back into the grand Twitterverse, I had to delete my tweet and “browse only” for 12 hours. Should we call people names? No. But I do find it a bit hysterical that a fairly factual, subjective tweet -mine- was met with the same punishment as the multi-year destructive, full-of-lies-and-hate, “Obama is a Kenyan muslim,” “Lock her up,” “the election was rigged” feed of spray tan mc ketchup face. Now I’m back, and trump has just been permanently banned. I guess there’s some justice after all.

I maintain that Ivanka is complicit in all of this. Of course she is. The whole family is. Just watch this recording of them watching, from a safe space, as the insurrection commenced -AFTER Evil Yam and his degenerate son WELCOMED and spoke to the thug mob- and played out. Kimberly is dancing. Jr looks wrecked and crazed as ever. Ivanka’s hair is coiffed. It’s The Hunger Games, a la Trumpian America and with less intelligence. A hat tip to Laura Branigan whose agents subsequently stated, very publicly, that she neither gave permission for or condoned, the hooligan family’s use of her song, Gloria.

After a five-hour delay, the Capitol was declared safe and Congress resumed what has previously, always been a perfunctory, symbolic tradition: the certification of the winning presidential candidate. Hawley and Cruz continued their shenanigans, but just before 4a on Thursday, Biden was officially declared the winner of the 2020 election. NO SHIT.

During said largely symbolic tradition, trump continued saying inflammatory things, refusing to acknowledge he’d lost. Matt Gaetz had the gall to say the mob was antifa in disguise (nope) and, get this, was applauded by fellow House republicans. And, Ossoff was declared the official winner in his race against Perdue. I have a lot of family in Georgia, and though it pains me deeply, most of them are ardent trump lovers. In part because of that and in part because of Georgia’s history of grotesquely racist behavior, it is a special thrill that the state not only voted for Biden but also that it replaced two white assholes with a Black man and a Jew. Thank you, Stacey Abrams and Latosha Brown and all others who made this happen by enfranchising (FFS, finally) black Georgians.

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This has been an enormously unsettling time. I beg everyone to stop saying, “this isn’t who we are.” It IS who we are, almost half of us, and we MUST do and be better. The only response to trump, hawley, cruz, and the domestic terrorists who attacked the Capitol, are planning to do so again, and who support such behavior is to squash them completely, a la Germany post-WWII. There must be full consequence for the traitors; we must not give one inch. Not one.

While it’s good that since Wednesday many more have been arrested and/or fired from their jobs, not least because the idiots didn’t cover their faces and so have been readily identifiable, many are still out there, at least 6 were elected legislators, and, per NPR and other sources, intelligence suggests that more attacks are being planned for near-future dates. If you are thinking of coming to DC for the inauguration, I beg you to cancel those plans. Stay home. If you live in DC, stay in your home. I am not an alarmist. I have a fairly high risk tolerance. But this is all not remotely a joke. They wanted to LYNCH Mike Pence. Mike Pence!! Plus, more than 4,000 Americans died from Covid yesterday alone, so please, wear a mask, stay at home, be safe.

To be continued…

*There is video footage of both of these things happening. Many people are saying this was intentional assistance, suggesting Cap Police support for and enabling of easy access/infiltration; others are saying the Cap Police were just wholly overwhelmed by the size and anger of the mob and so couldn’t hold them back. I find this almost 100% improbably. I’ve protested MANY times at the Capitol and have even been directly pushed back by its police and threatened with arrest. They do not fuck around and they don’t get intimidated. They arrested an enormous chunk of a group I protested with one day (the day my friend K and I participated in the Remove Trump movement in the Cannon building; wearing shirts, each with a letter on it.)

Goddamn you, 2021: Shakes fist at sky; is anything worth hope?

On New Year’s Eve, the world lost a bright light and a family was rendered heartbroken and gutted. Tommy Raskin, the 25-year-old son of my Congressman, Rep Jamie Raskin, died by suicide. If you have not yet read the tribute Jamie and his wife Sarah wrote to Tommy, you simply must. And if you can, please consider donating to the Tommy Raskin Memorial Fund for People and Animals. At a minimum, please extend an act of kindness to an animal, a stranger, a friend, or a loved one. Check in on them; talk openly about depression, anxiety, mental unhealth and wellness. Normalize struggle and offer resources for help.

Since New Year’s Eve, I have watched:

LA nearly run out of oxygen for COVID patients;

my own state, Maryland, boff the rollout such that vaccines are going to waste and/or being given to anyone walking by;

the Republicans of the PA legislature throwing an idiot-toddler tantrum and refuse to listen to the elected Lt Governor or seat the re-elected-and-certified incumbet, Dem Jim Brewster;

the US Attorney for Atlanta/N Georgia, appointed by trump, suddenly resign and be replaced by trump loyalist, Bobby Christine;

the Minneapolis policeman who shot Jacob Blake EIGHT TIMES in the back be completely acquitted;

the woman who sold my parents a home try to force them to default because she is greedy and now has remorse;

and many trumpers try to overturn the multiple-times-approved 2020 election results…

And I’m trying to just go with it all and help and support, but shit I am tired and overwhelmed, and the amount of stress I’m holding in is NOT NORMAL OR RIGHT OR SUSTAINABLE.

About an hour ago, my dad called to tell me Georgia was going blue. Much as I want to believe that and much as I hope and feel that needs to happen, I cannot invest any faith in a blue outcome or I will Fall.Apart. And yet, his and Mom’s earnestness gave me that hope for a moment and I have since been in snotting tears that are, of course, all those saved up from so many stifled moments of Keep Calm and Carry On since November 9, 2016.

Here is the truth: I despise and actually do wish ill health on (in no particular order; complete stream of consciousness): Ted Cruz, Lindsey Graham, Nikki Haley, Tulsi Gabbard, Donald Trump, Ivanka Trump, Melania Trump, Eric Trump, Donald Trump Jr, Kimberly Guilfoyle, Tiffany Trump, Matt Gaetz, Kayleigh McEnany, Jenna Ellis, Kellyanne Conway, Stephen Miller, Stephen Miller’s wife, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Sarah Huckabee Sanders’ father, Josh Hawley, Ron DeSantis, Greg Abbott, Brian Kemp, all Republicans from AL and MS, Kristi Noem, all Republicans from GA, all Republicans from Colorado, the Proud Boys, Cleta Mitchell, Rudy Guiliani, Tucker Carlson, Sean Hannity, Boxed Wine Pirro, everyone at Fox News with a slight-Purgatory-exception for Chris Wallace (but the jury is still out on him), Rupert Murdoch, the Koch brothers, fat and sweaty Sheldon Adelson, Sheldon’s sweaty wife, the anti-US spy Sheldon flew back to Israel, that guy’s wife, Joel Osteen, Franklin Graham, mega churches, Liberty University, Meghan McCain, Ben Domenech, Sarah Palin, Federalist idiots, the Nats who visited the White House, all police who’ve murdered black men and women and been acquitted because RACISM, you fucking fuckers, obnoxious parents, racists, bigots, elitists, gun fools, Rick Scott, Dick Cheney, George W, Clay Higgins, all Republicans and many Dems from Louisiana, John Cornyn, Chuck Grassley, Brett Kavanaugh, Amy shut the fuck up Barrett, Clarence you fucking fool Thomas, Ginny, Samuel “you asshole” Alito, Jason Miller, other assholes who don’t pay child support, Neil fucking Gorsuch, all the stupid girls I attended high school with, and so forth.

I’m still crying, and my kids are in that weird “Mom is not ok” fugue state, and my husband is all “oh shit” and burping, and I am SO FUCKING worried about the Raskins and this country and the world I’m turning my dear boys into, and if you aren’t feeling this badly, don’t tell me about it.

Vote blue. And pray/hope/dream for America.

Limping to the finish of 2020: 5 (6) takeaways

This cold December 28th evening finds me prostrate on a couch drinking a really subpar wine and researching seed stratification. Seed stratification and also scarification are fascinating methods of readying seeds for planting when they’ve not had the benefit of overwintering in nature and/or need help germinating due to tough shells. However, I fear such learning will go the way of so much this year, and that is into the cavernous holding pen known as Maybe Later. Also in said pen are Ulysses, the annotated read-along guide for Ulysses, various spices, and a fuckload of yeast. I miss having time, you know? Not Covid time which, in my home, is interminable no-flow time largely spent managing, feeding, answering, cleaning, and “No, I’m on the clock right now” ing. In the Before, there was just time. Time to walk with K, time to be alone in my house, probably working on behalf of it but with the quiet needed to let my mind really wander and process, uninterrupted, time to refill my tank.

The moral of this intro is that I ordered 3” plant versions of the seeds I was investigating, poured out the shitty wine, decided not to stop my still-working husband from still working despite it having been nearly 12 hours since he started working, eyed the annotated Ulysses mere feet from my grasp, and told Ol he could watch another episode of Parks & Rec. Because that’s where things stand at nearly 8p in the nearly 10th month of the Since. We’re all stuck in the pen just doing our best. I mean, I taught my parents Pinterest via FaceTime yesterday, for chrissakes. That seems like some sort of supra-achievement worthy of 3” plants versus seeds that need to be cold stratified.

The years since 11/8/16 have, in many ways and at many times, felt like a slow descent into some Atwoodian hellscape. That Cheeto Satan’s term was capped with a year in which John Lewis and RBG died + Covid is an end I couldn’t have conjured, but here we are. And as we limp to the last flames of the 2020 pyre (that is hopefully just for the GOP and not all of America), I want to share a few takeaways.

  1. Live big. If this year has taught us anything, it’s to enjoy the moment. Of course you should save and be responsible and all that jazz, but shit. Be yourself. Your truest self. Drink the special wine. Now. Learn the language, start the business, wear the short skirt, go back to school, move, travel, follow YOUR dreams, read and think and form educated opinions and then stand up for them, proudly, with a fighting spirit but not a closed-minded one.

  2. Grow the seeds you birth, adopt, or get to help raise. Listen y’all, my kids annoy the sanity out of me sometimes, not least since we live together 24-7 these days. But also, they are each a bit of magic, unique quilts of genes and history and experience and juju that I get to raise and turn out. I can say that with real zen, even though I considered self-defenestration yesterday, because I am so lucky to get to work with other people’s bits of magic all the time. Seeing others’ kids with non-parental eyes is the greatest lesson in appreciating people for WHO they are. Beyond the things that can and maybe should be worked on, people aren’t individual buffets. Each is a fixed menu. Love them for the courses they arrived with, even when suggesting they sub parsley for cilantro. Unless they’re tacos. Certain things aren’t substitutable, nor should they be.

  3. Be generous. With time. With your spirit. I maintain that other than working in a garden, there is no better way to feel good and improve this world than to give. In small ways, in financial ones, with your time, with your skills, go share, be kind, and be supportive.

  4. Demand what you are worth. Share, but don’t give yourself away; not your time, not your talents, not the respect you deserve. I don’t work for free unless I’ve chosen to do so. And if someone treats me like poo more than once or without explanation, I bid them adieu.

  5. Take/make time for what you need. Put your time where your heart is. Yes, we all have responsibilities that both demand time and funk out our hearts. But beyond commitments, are you investing in yourself? I am not here to tell you that a hot bath one time is going to soothe your anxiety away. IMO, that’s ridiculous, annoying, and invalidating to the harried lives most of us are living. BUT, are you refusing to put everything in the pen? I hope so. I am trying mightily to do this, even though Ulysses and his annotated friend taunt me on the regular. I am paying attention to myself, and I will continue to do so.

  6. WW84 was an abominable film, not least as it followed the terrific Wonder Woman. Don’t watch this movie. Save yourself.

Tomorrow, my paternal grandmother turns 95. NINETY-FIVE. And she is still smoking, breaking rules, getting her hair styled weekly, refusing to go out in less than what I, at this point, consider evening wear, and telling me about a northern lights cruise she will take in the near future. Do we agree on many things? We do not. But I cannot tell you she’s done anything but live life, and I have got to admire her stallion-like spirit. I also suspect she will not see WW84, for a variety of reasons.

Thank you for bearing with the musings of a tired, peevish, sick-of-almost-everything Em. Here’s to an even marginally-functional 2021.