15 May 2020: Daily Tale + Hilarity

Y’all, I do not even know where to start re: today, so I will simply start at the beginning with an earnest trip to Home Depot (even though I hate the founder, that shitty trumper human) to curbside pickup an order Tom placed last night.

I told my dear husband to measure the panel he was buying to refurbish our ancient garden shed. Charitably, because he is a smart man, I will say that he chose not to do that because pretty immediately, both I and the Home Depot guy could tell we were going to have to tie the 48” x 96” panel to my Prius’ roof. Everyone feigned confidence, but when he asked, “how far are you driving?” I knew this was not an optimal situation.

One mile, and 25 mph, into the four miles home, it was clear to me that the panel was serving as a car sail that I did not want. It was moving front to back, and the wispy plastic ties hanging into my car were growing limper by the minute. I did not wish to fly anywhere.

I put my flashers on and crept along the shoulder for a bit. Then, my highway met another highway, and I just couldn’t fathom taking my sail-car into the maelstrom. I pulled into a tiny triangle of neutral ground, pressed the hazard light button twice as if it were going to magnify the damn flasher impact, and called Tom.

This does not look like much, but the speed limit on both sides is 65 and it’s like the 405 meeting the 1.

No answer. He was, I knew, in yet another Zoom meeting.

I called my friend K. Straight to voicemail.

I made a Marco Polo video for D and A, filming the evidence of 18 wheelers racing past me on both sides at the confluence of two major, multi-lane roads.

I called Jack. He who never answers answered. I told him to knock on the door and tell Dad I really needed to talk to him. I literally heard Tom say, “I can call Mom in 2 minutes.”

I called K again. She picked up and in minutes we’d switched to FaceTime so that she could see the panel sail atop my car, the ginormous trucks whizzing by, and commiserate with my predicament. Because she is amazing, she measured her SUV trunk. This ludicrous panel would not fit there either. Oliver called while I was on with K.

Tom called back and said he would come immediately. I sent him a screenshot of my location: my ludicrous triangular niche in the middle of mayhem.

I called Ol back. He excitedly told me about the winching ratchet Tom had located. “Ol, has Dad left yet?” “No, mamma.”

WTF?

I called K back. I left another Marco Polo. I was not super-concerned, but at the same time, I really hoped every other driver was paying attention.

Finally Tom arrived, winched on some forearm forklift straps and agreed to drive the sail-car home. I drove his and felt liberated.

Then I spent four hours scraping old paint and rust off one third of one or our iron railings. Have mercy. #coronaviruslife

HILARIOUS:

A famous song, decoded.

Delightful:

Brothers enjoying an orange soda more than even seems possible is a full-tank gas refill.

Totally:

13 May 2020: Daily

Oh, man, we just participated in a virtual camp campfire which is now a weekly, and much beloved, treat. We will all be so crushed if the boys can’t go this summer. Camp is the most magical, special place, and I can’t fathom a better way to spend some time post-, or mid-quarantine than on a tiny Maine island with traditions and friends and challenges and no electricity and lots of nature. We know it won’t start on time, but all of us have everything crossed for a least part of a summer.

A few delights for you today:

Drunk hogs.

DYING:

12 May 2020: Daily

Hi Friends, At nearly 9 weeks in, more to go, and more than 82,000 Americans dead, I am wondering if the coronovirus comedy stretch has reached its max. Though I have largely stopped reading parenting articles, and I have fully stopped reading parenting books, a friend sent me this tonight, and damn if it wasn’t as if this woman crawled in my head and wrote out so many, most, of my thoughts and feelings. Per the usual, don’t read the comments.

The author knows she is privileged. So do I. I feel grateful every day; that doesn’t make any of this easy.

This evening, while cooking dinner and after virtually cocktailing with my friend, L, with whom I virtually cocktail every Tuesday, thank you lord, I watched a Politics and Prose Live! event with Barbara Ehrenreich and Jia Tolentino, two of my favorite writers, activists, thinkers, and critics. They discussed economic inequality in times of crisis, specifically during the coronavirus pandemic. I cooked, fist-pumped, and commented my way through, and should you wish to watch the conversation, you may do so here.

It is starting to seem unlikely that the boys will return to school in person this fall, an idea made tougher by the fact that Jack has chosen to attend a new school for high school, and we still don’t know the yay/nay regarding camp this summer.

For now I guess I’ll just keep the damn tomatoes wrapped until we finally get warm weather, keep my fingers crossed for the little advancements, and laugh when the moments present themselves as one did yesterday morning when Oliver got in bed with me to snuggle before school, I quickly went to the bathroom, and when i returned he pulled up landwatch.com and a plot of land he wanted to buy in Baltimore County.

Wut?

Yes, Oliver is angling to buy some space where he can “dig and build.” Bless his heart. I wish I could provide him a parcel. He sent this treasure to all of his friends.

Jack snorted and said, “they misspelled sweet equity.”

I nearly perished. It’s the little things.