Netherlands PS + camp

I truly loved hearing from so many of you after my Netherlands post, and I apologize for not having replied yet; we have, in the meantime, gone to Maine to pick the boys up and drive us all home. Since arriving back in MD last night, I have done 9 loads of laundry (no live ticks or empty milk jugs this year; but, more silverware and some rocks, and we’re down three more towels), purchased groceries that filled the cart beyond full (as the evidence below shows), and prepped for a new driver’s license (for Jack) appointment tomorrow.

I am both astonished and delighted by the entrenchment of dirt in what were, six weeks ago, new socks for both boys. A hat tip to you, kiddos, for living big in nature. Some of these are not salvageable, but I’m giving most of them my best effort because they carried my kids through happiness and dirt, tough times and wild life. And all of that is good info to remember and become wiser by.

As the tenth load spins in the room abutting my office, I am thinking about how long ago Europe feels but also how my time there remains sustentative. Earlier this year, my dear friend Amanda said something to the effect of “alone travel is something to always make time for. I do it once a year.” Like me, A has two children. Hers are younger, so I really admire her commitment. But she’s right. Going alone when you are rarely alone is a great sort of challenge. It doesn’t appeal to or benefit all, but for those who crave growth and adventure, such travel can provide the best of both.

In Amsterdam, I came across a pair of shoes I’d been eyeing stateside and really wanted. They’re a Converse-Comme des Garçons collaboration that I just hadn’t managed to find/deal with/purchase before I left. I mentioned them to Tom, and because he is a weirdly good researcher, he naturally found them at a store on one of our favorite streets in Amsterdam: Prinsengracht.

The precise pair I wanted wasn’t available in my size, but I quite liked the available option so brought it up to the register. The solo employee was a typically-tall (tall!) Dutch woman who appeared effortlessly chic though wearing an oversized tee, oversized jeans, and many barrettes in her hair (that seemed unnecessary). At the counter I said, “what do you think?” referring to hip shoes that seemed at least a decade younger than I am.

With total sincerity, she looked at me and said, “It doesn’t matter at all what I think. It only matters if you like them.” Perhaps seeing my American whatever she said, “I love them; they’re very hip.” And I do love that so much about the Netherlands. Practical and honest and largely unconcerned with others’ opinions. It’s all downright aspirational, and I have since loved wearing those high-tops and embracing that spirit. It’s taken me 4 decades to really fly my own flag, and doing so is so GD fun and liberating.

The joy of traveling again:: The Netherlands and Ireland

Although Covid is everywhere and, apparently, Monkeypox is gaining ground (I literally have zero bandwidth for another pandemic, epidemic, endemic anything), it was with the utmost thrill that Tom and I left the States on July 10 and headed to the Netherlands. Anyone not new here knows that Nederland is a very special place for us. We lived there for the summer after we got married and have since returned several times. Having not been since 2017, we were due, and, per the usual, it did not disappoint.

For the first time we stayed in the canal district, on Keizersgracht (emperor’s canal). We lived just off the Vondelpark (think Central Park for Amsterdam) in ‘04 and have since stayed near that area, in Museumplein. But the canals are so beautiful and romantic and vibrant, and we really enjoyed our hotel. Amsterdam is very flat, so it’s especially easy to walk miles and miles with little effort. It also takes little effort to eat and drink well and to have fun. Truly, if you don’t enjoy Amsterdam and the Dutch, the problem is you. It is a marvelously functional, happy country and it is beautiful and friendly and everyone is trilingual at the least and their quality of life is epic.

We took day trips to Haarlem (new to both of us) and The Hague (new to Tom), and while Haarlem was undoubtedly gorgeous, it was too perfect and quiet for our taste. The Hague, however, which I fell in love with in ‘17, is extremely cool, and I was pleased that Tom liked it so much. We had a scrumptious brunch upon arrival, went to Mauritshuis to see Girl With a Pearl Earring and the Goldfinch (neither ever gets old; nor does the ceiling in the home/museum; even Tom appeared taken with Girl [he is a sucker for Vermeer]), and then participated in a food-and-drink walking tour. Our guide was a born-and-raised local, and our tour mates were an absolutely delightful three-generation family who were all, originally, from South Africa. Four now live in Sydney, two in Utrecht, and one (the matriarch) remains in Cape Town.

During the hours we spent together, some of us stomached the skin-on pickled herring (I did it, and I never need to do it again), we met a French monk who has long lived in The Hague but who did a stint in “Be-tesda,” just down the street from my house, we learned just how much beef any one of us wants to ingest in a day, and the ex-South Africans shared why they’d emigrated. Honestly, their reasons sounded sadly familiar to the thoughts I often have. Not the same -their main issues were rampant crime, lack of jobs, and a feeling of no future- but similar in the sense of thinking that they’d best cut bait while they could.

Every person we met in the Netherlands (and that I met later in Ireland) expressed the greatest sadness and horror about the state of the US right now. Guns, women’s rights, trump, Fox news…to a T, everyone was enormously well informed, wholly horrified, and vexed. I cannot tell you how freeing it felt to not worry, ever, about being shot.

One of the S.Africans, now in Sydney, runs an amazing travel company for safaris and trips into Africa. If anyone is interested, let me know. I am hoping to do a multi-generational family trip via his group in the not-so-distant future.

Perhaps the thing I love most about travel are experiences like these. Downing slick fish with strangers while being admonished to keep one eye peeled for scavenger gulls who will, with no hesitation, steal the fish from your throat. Meeting monks who have been called around the world and who now brew a wide variety of ales from their monastery and retain the most delightful twinkle in their eyes. Speaking and listening to folks like the man who drove me to the airport in Amsterdam and was, I learned, from Somalia but orphaned as a young teen, arrived in the Netherlands alone at age 15, and is now married and studying for an advanced degree in psychology so that he can help children who have endured trauma.

The world is such a remarkable place, and I have missed it these past couple years. It is humbling and inspiring in the best ways, including hard ones that force growth and make (most of) us better.

On July 18, Tom flew home, and I flew to Dublin for a solo adventure across a good bit of the emerald isle. Having been warned repeatedly about hideous delays flying out of Schiphol, I arrived at 9:30a for a 1:40p flight. At 2:30, FIVE HOURS AFTER ARRIVING, I finally got through the security scanners and passport control and then ran roughly three quarters of a mile to my gate. Keep in mind that one Aer Lingus rep had told me at 10am that the flight was already canceled, but another said she had heard of no such thing, and no one could every confirm anything.

So, heaving and sweaty, I was, as you can imagine, infinitely thankful to arrive at the back 40 of Schiphol to find the plane waiting for everyone else stuck in the lines I’d only just been freed from. A ridiculously handsome Irish flight attendant told me with a winning smile that I could “relax now,” and it’s the first time in my life that anyone has told me to relax and I didn’t immediately want to stab them.

I would like to again applaud those who love travel and will deal with a lot of shit to do it as well as those who make it happen with a smile or at least good spirit. Not ONE person in the five-hour line with me got angry or even peevish. The group of Aussies behind me watched my bags when I went to find out if there was any help I could get because my flight was leaving in 40 minutes and we were not even close to security (No!) and only complained that there was not a bar available to people in line. A darling couple trying desperate to get to Israel (they were Palestinian, and honest to god, I hope they are always safe and well and not removed from their land) just kept embracing and laughing, and even when you could tell they were terrified about missing the only flight out, they stayed zen and smiling. I realized anew how much negative energy is saved by having perspective and gratitude and staying calm. What were any of us going to do but wait? So why not wait with peace and appreciation for the fact that we were waiting to safely and freely go somewhere of our choosing?

I landed in Dublin, successfully caught my €7 shuttle to College Green, and walked my giant bag and self to my hotel. No one has taken a faster shower and gotten cute so as to immediately head to a bookstore before closing as did I. I bought seven damn books of Irish lit (I have a problem), took myself out to read one of them at a Lebanese restaurant, and while there befriended the Spanish waitress, Georgina (surely that cannot be the Spanish spelling of Georgina, but I have not yet looked it up), who moved to Dublin ten years ago and loves it, despite the insanity of rent costs wreaking havoc on the city right now.

The next day began my tour, but I’ll tell you about it in a later post. For now, I love you NL and IRL and cannot wait to visit you again.

+2, oops

Men really need to read the room

As I have written many a time, I love and am surrounded by many excellent men. Many men are wonderful or, at the least, not horrible.

But far too many really need to sit down or stand back, and just stop.

This morning, after a fitful night of sleep, I got dressed and walked over the lovely bridge that spans the Sheepscot River and connects Edgecomb and Wiscasset (Maine). It was hot as hell, and by the time I arrived at Treats, I had worked up quite the dewy complexion. It’s a lovely little shop, and everything looked delicious. I finally settled on an almond croissant and a latte and wandered the store while waiting.

A male voice said, “excuse me.” I was startled and whirled around. He was wearing a bright orange shirt, had the start of a beard, and was maybe 35. I’m not good at estimating age, but he was younger than me.

“I’m not hitting on you,” he said, “but you are just so beautiful that I had to tell you.”

I was a bit taken aback, not least because it was maybe 9 am, and I was sweaty and he seemed a bit intense. I thanked him and fetched my coffee. As I turned from the counter, the guy scurried toward the single shop door, stared at me and gasped.

“I mean, you’re just so beautiful, I can hardly take it.”

Increasingly uncomfortable, I said thank you and hurried out the door and towards the bridge.

It’s a lengthy (just over a half-mile) two-lane bridge with a narrow pedestrian path on one side. On both sides are long drops to the water below. There was a decent amount of traffic, and as I stepped onto the footpath, I pricked my ears and started begging the goddesses that he wasn’t following me. I passed a woman I’d passed earlier- we waved, and as I glanced over my shoulder, I saw the guy. On his fucking bike.

I picked up my pace and started to take stock. Traffic was too heavy to get onto the road, and I couldn’t very well jump over the side of the bridge if need be. There was another man far ahead of me, but that was it.

I was really sweating now, and I looked behind me one more time. Bike guy was not a foot away. “You’re just so beautiful. I wanted to give you…”

Before he could go any further, I snapped at him and said “Now you are really making me uncomfortable. Leave me alone.”

I turned and began to run, latte sloshing all over my hand, backpack beating my spine like a drum. I finally caught up to the other man and tapped his shoulder— he had his ear buds in and probably almost suffered a cardiac. I quickly explained the situation and asked if I could walk with him across the bridge. He was so kind. Turns out he and his wife and son were staying at the same lodge I was, so he walked me almost to my door.

I scurried in, locked the door, and nearly hit something in rage before dousing a washcloth with cold water to wipe my sweaty face.

Can women not do anything? I have every right to walk across a bridge on a sunny morning and to walk back with coffee without worrying that some freak is going to hit on me.

This country and its feelings towards women are horrible. Just stultifyingly gross and wrong entirely too much of the time and in entirely too many arenas.

I’m so sick of everything. I hope the kind man told his son what happened, modeling what to be and do in vast contrast to the entitled, obtuse, intimidating, inept ways too many behave.