A constant

We live two blocks south of the Maryland line, just inside the northwest part of Washington. We live two houses in from Massachusetts Avenue, too. And our address is 4416 which has always made me enormously happy because 4x4=16 and also, my birthday is 4/16. I adore the neatness there.

The intersection of Massachusetts and Western Avenues (Western being the dividing line between the District and Maryland) is a traffic circle, roundabout or rotary; DCers tend not to use rotary at all and most often traffic circle. But really, whatever you call it is fine. The city is riddled with them so you best figure out some moniker.

Westmoreland Circle has six spokes off of it, and in between Mass Ave into Maryland and Dalecarlia (pronounced Dell-a-carlia, as if those first vowels aren’t “a” and then “e”) Drive sits the Westmoreland Congregation United Church of Christ.

It is a beautiful church surrounded by always-green grass, a few picnic tables and a sign that regularly declares delightfully progressive things. When marriage equality for all became the law of the land, WCUCC put a rainbow flag up flanked by the message, “…And the greatest of these is love.” My eyes filled with tears of love and gratitude every single time I passed that sign, until they took it down, although the flag still remains.

My favorite part of the church, however, is its steeple which soars into the sky. It is as if the Earth has shot up a hand towards the heavens, trying mightily to hold tight and fast to both poles and all in between.

The boys and I drive by this steeple every morning on the way to school. I enter the roundabout on Mass Ave, drive past Butterworth Place NW and Western Ave before exiting onto Mass Ave once more. Every morning the same steeple soars, and yet a new scene awaits me. I anticipate it as I do breath, which is to say subconsciously but gratefully.

Some days the hand of Earth reaches through a blue sky toward a blazing sun. Other mornings it is the only contrast in a sea of gray. At times it looks bedecked with cotton balls and at others the arm of a great compass guiding believers some place.

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Frequently I take pictures. Regularly I promise myself I’ll start taking one photograph every morning at roughly the same time. What a beautiful book of stasis and motion that would make.

I am not a believer, and I’ve never stepped foot inside the church. I’m sure I would be welcome, but I don't feel right.

Instead I stay outside, admiring the Sunday visitors, the new message on the sign out front, or the gleaming, expansive windows that line the long walls running parallel with the nave. Always I make time to look up at the steeple. Always I am rewarded.

A hard day

Oh, friends. Some days are just so hard. 

I awoke before 5 this morning, nudged from a deep, assisted sleep by a wet little nose pecking hungrily into my hand. It was Nutmeg, settling in a good deal earlier than usual for our morning snuggle. He curled atop my chest, tucked his head under my chin and his body in the crook of my arm, and started purring like a smooth, strong v6. 

Often, our bed snuggles are times I treasure- quiet and sweet and warm. But it was hard for me to get to sleep last night and I needed more than my loving feline allowed.

Finally, I creaked downstairs to feed him and on my way back up heard Oliver talking some gibberish. I couldn't tell if it was a nightmare or just the early signs of wakefulness, but I peeked in and found him staring straight at me. It was 5:30, and I knew last night's sleep was gone with the wind.

We laid in Ol's cozy little bed for nearly an hour, arms wrapped around one another, whispering and not.

"What are you thinking about, Mama?"

"Oh, I am thinking about the house Daddy and I saw yesterday."

A simple answer for my little boy. What I was really thinking was about how hard it is to house-hunt in the ludicrously expensive/over-priced DC market. Thinking about how much I love our current home and how long it took us to find it. Thinking how on top of one another we feel as the boys grow but do not stop running. Thinking about how sad I'd be to leave this place but also how exciting it would be to do just that. Thinking about how lucky I feel that we can consider doing so.

My stomach churned, gurgling and talking to us.

"Are you hungry, Mama? I am!"

I wasn't. Just nervous. Tired. Scared to admit how very much I was thinking about that house we saw yesterday. How I hope that it will become our new home.

"Let's go make cinnamon toast, ok, Ol?"
"Oh yay, my favorite."

As we descended the stairs, I thought about how my mom would soon wake. And how Dad would drive her to the surgery center for an operation to repair the arthritic growth that has eroded the tendon between her thumb and hand. They have to take another tendon from in her arm and pleat it in her thumb joint. She's been in such pain, but this surgery is supposed to be horrifically painful too. She is fine now, but I was worried. And I'm sorry she's been hurting and will continue to for several months.

I spent the morning thinking about Mom and the house. I tidied and did laundry. I couldn't eat a thing, which is wholly unlike me.

I thought it'd do me good to get out. So I went to the post office to mail a return package and then to the market. I'd been inside for all of four minutes, just enough to grab a bunch of beets and some raspberries, when the manager grasped his walkie-talkie and ordered every customer and employee to evacuate immediately. 

"Leave everything where it is, carts, food, everything and please exit the building immediately. Employees, go to the CVS parking lot next door."

Turns out the market had received a bomb threat. People, please. What is this world coming to? I'm not usually shaken by things like this, and it was well-managed, but seriously. 

To school and then back home where my oldest threw such a tantrum that I just lost it. Lost it. My shoulders shook and the tears came. They needed to, but their moment of entry surprised me, pouring forth before filter or will or "should" could step in. 

It happens sometimes, these breaks. The fissures just can't withstand the pressures pushing against them. Was the bomb threat the proverbial straw? The missed sleep? Worry? The argument? A tornado of emotions about a possible move?

Today was a bit of all those things, I suspect. Bits of dust and particulate matter spinning and spinning, accelerating and bam.

Home!!!

Ermahgod, y'all. We.are.home. Do you hear the chorus of angels and bells ringing down over us?

We spent a whirlwind forty hours in Atlanta, celebrating my grandmother's 90th birthday. She didn't know about the party we'd planned or that every single one of her grandchildren and great-grandchildren were heading to Georgia for it. A happy surprise, to say the least. Just look at her- Mimi is 90 years young! And my sister and I always have so much fun.

I've missed being here, in this space, but have stuck to my goal of trying to slow down when I need to or can. 

Oddly square crab cakes with mustard aioli

Oddly square crab cakes with mustard aioli

Tonight I made crab cakes for us, to toast being back and flightless in our near future, and now I'm in bed with a purring Nutmeg. Sleep threatens to come at any moment, but I wanted to share some pictures of all the fun I had during this grand holiday season.

My nephew, Leone, adores Oliver and chased after and climbed all over him at every opportunity. Adorable. Then, there was the spectacularly Louisiana Christmas tree. And, a night out with girlfriends: dinner and Motown the musical.

Heading home

Heading home

I hope this new year is treating you all well. What are you looking forward to?