And sometimes, even when you look OK, you're still sick as get-out

Friends, I have spent today hugging the porcelain god and wishing my pajamas didn't feel like sandpaper against my skin or my muscles like a bunch of worn-out punching bags. Unlike yesterday, today has not been a day to gussy oneself up but rather to heed the clarion call of my body.

Today's bit of wisdom, which feels a tad silly to write after yesterday's suggestion to sometimes look mahvelous so as to feel more mahvelous, is to recognize when you're down for the count, rediscover a love for crushed ice smothered in Gatorade or OJ or something fizzy but soothing, and accept all offers of help

Thank you, Minal for bringing me supplies and taking Ol for a bit, Mary for painting the spot I was supposed to paint, Katherine for picking Ol up and bringing him home and caring for him until bedtime, and Annie who gave me birthday dress feedback and sent anti-nausea pills via Minal. It takes a village, people. I also really appreciate everyone who sent warm wishes and offers. And thanks to Anne for letting me help her online shop for a good hour via FB messenger, in between reunions with the toilette. Technology is so lovely sometimes. 

A few final photos from Rome as I've been organizing them.

isn't this perspective of the Colosseum cool?!

isn't this perspective of the Colosseum cool?!

Wisteria vines along the Roman Forum remains

Wisteria vines along the Roman Forum remains

Sometimes, it IS better to look mahvelous than to feel mahvelous...*

For the former can definitely boost the latter.                                                           *Billy Crystal

This morning began before 6am. Jet-lagged children were up and playing until they were fighting. One shoved the Other from the raft (bed) which injured Other. Other pinched the thigh off of One who in turn socked Other in the torso. Other, crying and snotting, came to get in bed with me. One attempted to argue that a pinched leg was as bad or possibly even worse than having been shoved off a bed and neck-first into a sturdy basket. I did not agree. One screamed "BUTT FACE" and slammed every door on the way from my room to his.

Suffice it to say that the morning sucked, and I'll be honest in telling you that for the most part, the day did not improve. 

Some days are like this. 

It was not possible for me to do the whole "back in bed" strategy, and, as you might know or suspect, that's not so much me anyway. Instead, I glanced at my to-do list, got busy, and completed it by 5pm.

This included: checking in at our old house and doing a massive garage clean with the generous help of my friend/our realtor; feeling awfully sad when I saw the yard I've lovingly tended for nearly a decade in full bloom; venturing to CVS twice (enough for any mere mortal); going on an insane, after-school shopping trip to the 'burbs for a sleeping bag and rain boots that are needed for a 4th grade camping trip leaving tomorrow morning (#gratefulformalls); stepping in fresh cat puke; and so forth.

I think I suspected such stuff would eat up my Tuesday, and so after the garage purge, I came home and...

got all dressed up.

Some of you know exactly why I did this, and others think I'm nuts. But here's what I want to share today: At times, it is definitely helpful to look mahvelous when you don't feel mahvelous.

And, as a second-tier addendum, wearing heels can make you feel like you're on top of the world, or should be.

Why? Because it takes some effort to put on make-up, a matching outfit that does not include elastic-waist pants, and a bit of jewelry. Bonus points if you don't pull your hair back with any old rubber band. In doing all this prettifying of self, I believe you are actually honoring your self. Treating it with kid gloves. Acting as if you might have something to celebrate.

Even if that something is dropping your kids off at school and emptying garbage cans by your lonesome. In my book, "by your lonesome" is often worth a g-damn champagne fountain for one.

I applied minimal make-up, and while I did opt for a ponytail, I chose a fluorescent green band to hold it. A bold (for me) necklace fancied up my jeans and tee, and a long-ago leather jacket find both kept me warm and lent a chic vibe to the look. Flats versus Toms or Reefs finished things off nicely.

As it always does, this effort paid off in the way I held and carried myself, in the way I felt about a bad day being slightly less so. 

Some days are horrid, but most bad days feel worse than they are. Sunshine helps, as does any bit of perspective that can be found. A chat or eight with a girlfriend (or 8) will often do wonders. So will fresh flowers, an original Looney Tunes that you put on for your kids and then totally sit down to watch, and bourbon.

The point is this: while I advocate honest living completely, I also recognize how valuable a quick shake of the shoulders can be. For me, the simplest means of jolting myself back from the island of yuk is to play dress up. Rarely does this not work wonders!

40 in forty: Get your annual exams and know your body

When I was a newlywed and thinking ahead to the childbearing years on my horizon, I began tracking my basal temperatures each morning. I can't remember why I first started doing so; maybe I already realized how irregular my periods were, or perhaps I just wanted to get my ducks in a row and a good friend who tracked her temps suggested I do the same as she'd had trouble ovulating and getting pregnant.

Armed with my basal thermometer, some print-out charts and the marvelous book, Taking Charge of Your Fertility, I soon found that I wasn't regularly ovulating; that would make getting pregnant difficult.

We were in Cambridge then, and, lucky to have the benefit of the fantastic Harvard medical system, I made an appointment to figure the ovulation thing out and found that I had a small cyst on my pineal gland and that I had a significantly under-active thyroid, an integral part of the endocrine system that regulates many important hormones, not least those linked to reproduction.

Because I found all of this out early on, I could 'take charge' and take care of my body. A few MRIs found that the pineal cyst was totally benign and had probably been there for ages. Basically, I can ignore that now. And hypothyroidism is easy to treat; you simply need to find the right dose of synthetic T4 (an identical replacement for what one's thyroid gland produces in non-hypothyroid folks) and take it daily. 

During the regular blood tests during my first pregnancy, I found that I have a naturally lower platelet count. That knowledge has enabled me to inform subsequent physicians about my platelets when my bloodwork comes back and they mention it as a possible issue.

After I had Jack (with no issues at all) and finished nursing, I resumed tracking because my menstrual cycles again seemed haywire. This time I found that I had a vastly protracted luteal phase, the latter part of menstruation, which makes sustaining a pregnancy a challenge. Because I knew this, when I became pregnant with Oliver, I was immediately put on progesterone. It made me awfully sick, but I had no troubles with the pregnancy so totally worth it.

Throughout all of this, I found that I became infinitely more aware of my body's rhythms and "personality." It is always very clear to me when something isn't quite right, and I know immediately when I need to get something investigated.

I've kept detailed records and histories which has made appointments and changes in my doctors over the years really easy to navigate. There aren't any real question marks, and I feel both empowered and totally aware of my health. 

The same is true for my children. For both self and dependents, I have found it essential to advocate. Doctors are rushed, many often want quick and easy answers, and some think they know me or my kids better than I do, even though that feeling is in many ways absurd. I'm the one who spends all my time with self and children, for pete's sakes. 

I am confident that my repeated insistence that Jack's regular fevers weren't the same virus on loop was what finally led to the discovery that he actually had PFAPA, a febrile disorder marked my regular bouts of high fever and swollen tonsils. It was a breeze to treat WHEN we knew what it was. Before that, he was missing a week of school every five weeks and sick as a dog during those absences; often he had fever-induced night terrors. Once we started him on the medicine, old-school cimetidine by the way (a basic stomach acid reducer that is super-safe for pretty much anyone to take), Jack was never sick again and finally outgrew the syndrome.

My plea to you is to get your annual exams, know your body and your history, write it all down, and advocate for yourself and your health.

  • See the dentist at least once a year. In the meantime, floss every day. Every day!
  • Get your annual physical without fail.
  • Ladies, get your annual or biannual gynecological exams. Ovarian cancer is a mean, stealthy beast that often slinks in without symptomology. HPV is about as common as the common cold and is linked to cervical cancer. Find out what you have, if you have something, and treat it!
  • Ladies, I also want you to take care of your breasts. Do self exams, get mammograms when you come of age.
  • Men, if you have a family history of prostate cancer or any symptoms suggested prostate trouble, get your prostate checked. Come on, guys! You also need annual physicals, and watch your blood pressure and cholesterol which are, according to a doctor friend of mine, the big issues for men in their 40s and 50s. Please see the comment from DrBabs below for helpful links!
  • You should also get an annual skin check and in the interim periods check your own skin and wear sunscreen daily. I am an insanely freckly person so it's especially important to be vigilant. I've had moles removed from my back and foot and have a great relationship with the irregularly-shaped and colored moles on my shoulders and chest. Skin cancer is not to be trifled with.
  • Do NOT ignore your mental health. Anxiety and depression are real and do not in any way mean you are weak. They can be treated and should be. Therapy is a gift and in my opinion should be something everyone does. We're all human, people, and even those who lucked out in the family department have shit to deal with.
  • Eat cleanly and exercise. I eat butter and olive oil and full fat cheese and a bit of dessert every single day. By eating cleanly, I mean Eat Real. Avoid processed shit, diet stuff, things with infinite shelf-lives, and too much sugar. 
    We all need regular exercise, but ladies, as we age, it is especially important that we do weight-bearing and balance exercises. We lose bone mass as we grow older, and weight-training and core strength will help us keep our bones strong AND avoid dangerous falls.

Most insurance covers all above-mentioned tests because they count as preventive care. 

It might seem scary to venture into unknown lands where you could discover something ugly. But I believe that it's better to know as early as possible so that any needed treatment can start pronto. 

Go forth, know yourself, love yourself, care for yourself. Encourage others to do the same!